I’m exhausted. “For a long time, I loved who I wanted to be more than I loved myself.” Lena Chen said that. She has no idea how much that resonates with me. I am tired because I’ve accepted my crazy faze-worthy schedule as valid and doing nothing to change it, partly because of being tired. And then partly because I don’t know if what I ultimately choose to change about my schedule is the right thing or not or what that even means.

I am an overanalyzer. That can be good when you need to be accurate, but that can be bad when you need to make a decision. I need to make a decision right now, but I’m overanalyzing because I am an overanalyzer.

But back to the quote. I have this idea in my head of ideally how I want my life to be and what dream I want to realize. I love it so much I daydream about it all the time (when I’m not thinking about eating, of course). But because I have been spending so much time daydreaming about it, I have neglected to take care of myself in some areas. Thus, not really loving myself. I’ve not loved myself in that I believe I have many character flaws that need fixing, but I have done nothing to fix them due to my daydreaming about who I want to be.

Lena Chen hasn’t posted anything since then, and I really hope she does.

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