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a good listener is so hard to find

Sometimes we just want someone to listen, not try to fix us.
You’re talking to someone and even if you’re just meeting them for the first time, depending on the setting, you’re feeling brave enough to share something kind of personal about yourself. Usually this personal thing is on your mind a lot, which is why you bring it up in the first place. Now, if you’re like me, it’s probably been on your mind a lot because it bothers you somehow. To the person you’re conversing with, this personal thing that is on your mind a lot is a problem you have in your life that you’re trying to resolve, but don’t know how to yet.
And their immediate reaction is to try to come up with ideas to help you get disentangled. You may already have a solution in the works. You may be working towards that already. But for some reason, they feel the need to come up with their own solutions and hope you’ll take their advice. Even if they don’t know you that well. (And I guess if you’re meeting them for the first time, they really don’t.)
Now, I don’t know about you, but when I get to this part of the conversation, I start to feel a little irritated. I’m thinking, can’t I just unload on you without you judging me and and immediately wanting to “fix” me? Sometimes part of the solution is allowing myself to get it out there, out loud and off my chest.
When I rant to someone, I start to feel better just by the simple action of releasing that negative energy into the universe to let the universe deal with it instead of my bottling it up like some black potion waiting for an unsuspecting victim.
So maybe I just want to rant. Please, please, please just be a good listener.

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raw

It’s time for some raw emotion. Well, if not emotion, raw something anyway. Speaking of raw, do you remember my post called Hunger Pains? It’s funny because I wasn’t sure I’d follow through on anything, but it turns out I get a shot at this because at work we are participating in a Holiday Food Drive. Yay! That’s the first step to fighting the hunger pains. I’ll keep y’all posted. (No, I don’t really have an accent. I just felt like typing that.)

Love can be wonderful, but it can be confusing too.

I’ve been sleepy all the time lately and I don’t know how long it’ll take to fix this. I also feel frustrated and angry sometimes. (Probably due to lack of sleep.) I don’t know any other way to live, though I suspect with baby steps I can “correct” this, but I’m not sure what I’d be “correcting” in the first place.

Is this raw enough for you? Probably not.

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Crap. There, I said it.

I woke up this morning feeling like crap. (And the fact that I just said the word ‘crap’ makes me feel even crappier since I’m not “supposed” to as a “good girl.” I hate labels. Whose word is final anyway when it comes to what I’m “supposed” to be doing? Why should I be held to different expectations for being a “good girl”? Why can’t I curse like everybody else?) I was up late last night because it had been a very long day. I went to a conference, I went to see Thor: The Dark World with a girlfriend, I went to service, I went to dinner with the same girlfriend, then finally, I went to Walmart to do some grocery shopping before heading home.

The conference was about how science proves the existence of God. (I know, controversial stuff. Call me Crazy for wanting to learn.) It kind of ended on the note that humans were created to eventually end all evil. When my girlfriend and I went to see Thor right after, it was funny how we thought the movie would be totally unrelated to the conference, but instead it was basically about humans ending all evil. Then service was all about the beginning of the world. And when we went to dinner afterwards, we had a heart-to-heart. (That’s what girlfriends are for, right?) By the time I walked into Walmart, I felt pretty exhausted and used up, but good and happy at the same time.

I felt exhausted from the long day’s events and the wealth of mind-boggling information for my brain to digest, but I felt happy that I was able to be vulnerable with my girlfriend and share words of wisdom from a personal struggle I have had and how God helped me overcome that struggle.

I got home late and ended up going to bed without showering. I slept in this morning and when I woke up, I felt like crap. I woke up knowing that I have over 300 e-mails to catch up on (mostly spam or ads or whatever, but my OCB (Obsessive Compulsive Behavior) self needs to take a look at each one before deleting it or unsubscribing or whatever), part of my NaNoWriMo novel to work on (btw, if I don’t post a lot this month, that is why), a work presentation to mentally prepare myself for, an apartment that desperately needs organizing and cleaning, and the list goes on and on.

Sometimes I really want to pause time, take care of every single thing I said I need to do, then unpause time like nothing unusual happened. Wishful thinking, huh? Well, at least I always have a place to rant. 🙂 