I woke up this morning feeling like crap. (And the fact that I just said the word ‘crap’ makes me feel even crappier since I’m not “supposed” to as a “good girl.” I hate labels. Whose word is final anyway when it comes to what I’m “supposed” to be doing? Why should I be held to different expectations for being a “good girl”? Why can’t I curse like everybody else?) I was up late last night because it had been a very long day. I went to a conference, I went to see Thor: The Dark World with a girlfriend, I went to service, I went to dinner with the same girlfriend, then finally, I went to Walmart to do some grocery shopping before heading home.
The conference was about how science proves the existence of God. (I know, controversial stuff. Call me Crazy for wanting to learn.) It kind of ended on the note that humans were created to eventually end all evil. When my girlfriend and I went to see Thor right after, it was funny how we thought the movie would be totally unrelated to the conference, but instead it was basically about humans ending all evil. Then service was all about the beginning of the world. And when we went to dinner afterwards, we had a heart-to-heart. (That’s what girlfriends are for, right?) By the time I walked into Walmart, I felt pretty exhausted and used up, but good and happy at the same time.
I felt exhausted from the long day’s events and the wealth of mind-boggling information for my brain to digest, but I felt happy that I was able to be vulnerable with my girlfriend and share words of wisdom from a personal struggle I have had and how God helped me overcome that struggle.
I got home late and ended up going to bed without showering. I slept in this morning and when I woke up, I felt like crap. I woke up knowing that I have over 300 e-mails to catch up on (mostly spam or ads or whatever, but my OCB (Obsessive Compulsive Behavior) self needs to take a look at each one before deleting it or unsubscribing or whatever), part of my NaNoWriMo novel to work on (btw, if I don’t post a lot this month, that is why), a work presentation to mentally prepare myself for, an apartment that desperately needs organizing and cleaning, and the list goes on and on.
Sometimes I really want to pause time, take care of every single thing I said I need to do, then unpause time like nothing unusual happened. Wishful thinking, huh? Well, at least I always have a place to rant. 🙂