I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing “right now” so this just came out.

I’m afraid of being vulnerable, so I’m afraid of falling in love. I’m afraid of getting close to someone and then having to say good-bye. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love in my 27.5 years of life. Today is my half birthday. And my new favorite quote is, “I’d rather be his whore than your wife.” Maybe this year I’ll finally fall in love. Who knows what could happen? ❤ 🙂

Sometimes when I’m lost and have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing “right now,” blogging is comforting. Even more so than listening to music and God knows how much I love listening to music. Blogging is an action and makes me feel like I’m “doing,” so is probably the reason why it’s more comforting.

See, the thing is, usually how it’s done is people show their feelings through “action.” Kissing, hugging, sexing. Just to name a few. I don’t. I can’t. Not that I physically can’t. I can. I just haven’t tested it out for real yet and I don’t know if I’ll ever get to. I’ve had chances, but I haven’t taken them because I’m afraid of being vulnerable. I use words. I listen to words. Sometimes I rely on words more than actions and that gets me into trouble.

“Do you want to have coffee or grab a meal some time?” It’s such a simple question, but it’s so hard to get to it. (For me at least.) Because I know that if I get to that question, I could be shot down. Or I could be accepted and then that leads to another and another acceptance and then before I know it, it’s time for a bigger commitment. Then it’s time for getting along and ugly days. I think I just don’t want to face the ugly days.

I want some warm weather. I’m tired of the cold. Image 

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