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understanding men

I think I understand men. I don’t think they understand that I understand them. They usually assume I’m a girl. It takes a guy who is patient enough to get to know me to learn that I understand men and I’m not as girly as they may think to realize who I really am.

Now I may not understand everything about men, but a lot of times when a girl comes to me with a frustrating situation involving a guy and they “just don’t get it,” I usually get it and know how to explain it to them. I truthfully think there’s more guy in me than girl. That I still don’t know how to explain. (And by frustrating situation, I’m not talking about deeply convoluted relationship issues.)

I’ll give you an example of what I’m talking about. Let’s say a girl’s been talking to a guy online and she’s there for him, responding to what he says right away. At first he’s responding right away as well, but then he’ll take five hours before he responds to her next statement. So she’s all upset and crying and wondering why he’ll do that. It’s simple. He’s not chained to the computer. He may be writing something, he may be playing video games in the next room, maybe he’s watching TV or cooking. There’s no need to sit there and wait for a response from him. You’ll only get upset. It’s just how some guys are.

Le sigh. Maybe the bigger issue here is that most girls put the relationship first and most guys put their own personal needs first. If we understand how the female and male brains are wired, maybe we can all get along better.

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grateful for friends

Today was a particularly rough Monday for me, even though it was mostly my fault. (Self-inflicted pain.) Last night I made a bitter post. Yes, I tagged it ‘rant,’ but still. Tonight, I just want to be grateful. After texting with a couple friends, I realized just how blessed I am to have them. I am forever grateful for my friends. Yes, friends have annoyed me. Yes, friends have let me down. But friends have also been there for me. Friends have understood me, even when my family didn’t. Friends put a smile on my face, make me laugh when all I want to do is cry and break down, listen when it feels like I’m losing my voice and give me much-needed hugs. (Hey, just because I think like a guy doesn’t mean that I’m not a girl sometimes.) Friends take my mind off things and share happy news with me that gives me something to cheer for instead of despair over. For that I am grateful.

Over the weekend, some growth was happening to me. I saw an old friend who I haven’t seen in a while and my old self would have remembered the times she let me down one way or another, but this time, for the first time, I chose to be excited to see her and give her a great big old hug and not even worry about those times in the past when she let me down because honestly there weren’t that many and if I dig deep enough, I bet there were times I didn’t come through for her. The best part was that was my immediate reaction. No hesitation. That’s when I knew I’d been set free. So in a way I’ve decided that I should treat my friends with respect and love and not hope to be treated the same in return. No expectations. Because once you have expectations, you will be let down and you will hurt yourself. They never meant to hurt you. They were just being themselves. It’s only you, expecting certain behaviors out of them, that hurts yourself in the end. Life is much better and happier if you let it go and know that when you help someone, you just may get nothing in return, but you’ll be OK.

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I don’t like it when people feel the need to be part of every conversation. Or maybe I just don’t like it when people love the sound of their own voice. If I’m talking to someone, I’m sorry, but if I’m not looking at you, I probably would not appreciate your input. I can only focus on one person at a time. If you want to listen, fine, listen. But please don’t say anything until I’m done directing my comments to the person I’m talking to and need to get across my message to. If you say something in the middle of my conversation, I’m going to ignore it from now on. I’m not trying to be rude. I’m being respectful to the person I’m talking to, to give them my undivided attention.

And if I’m talking and I’m clearly not done getting one train of thought out, please do not interrupt me with your opinions on the subject and then keep going incessantly because you like the sound of your own voice. That will not earn you brownie points with me. That will only irritate me.

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It’s funny how quickly your mind can fill up with thoughts. The room is empty and quiet and your brain loves the quiet. Before you know it, the room starts to fill with people and your mind is filling with thoughts. It’s like the room is your mind and each person that walks in is a new thought. A person, a whole human being, represents an original point of view, a thought that enters the brain.