Today was a particularly rough Monday for me, even though it was mostly my fault. (Self-inflicted pain.) Last night I made a bitter post. Yes, I tagged it ‘rant,’ but still. Tonight, I just want to be grateful. After texting with a couple friends, I realized just how blessed I am to have them. I am forever grateful for my friends. Yes, friends have annoyed me. Yes, friends have let me down. But friends have also been there for me. Friends have understood me, even when my family didn’t. Friends put a smile on my face, make me laugh when all I want to do is cry and break down, listen when it feels like I’m losing my voice and give me much-needed hugs. (Hey, just because I think like a guy doesn’t mean that I’m not a girl sometimes.) Friends take my mind off things and share happy news with me that gives me something to cheer for instead of despair over. For that I am grateful.
Over the weekend, some growth was happening to me. I saw an old friend who I haven’t seen in a while and my old self would have remembered the times she let me down one way or another, but this time, for the first time, I chose to be excited to see her and give her a great big old hug and not even worry about those times in the past when she let me down because honestly there weren’t that many and if I dig deep enough, I bet there were times I didn’t come through for her. The best part was that was my immediate reaction. No hesitation. That’s when I knew I’d been set free. So in a way I’ve decided that I should treat my friends with respect and love and not hope to be treated the same in return. No expectations. Because once you have expectations, you will be let down and you will hurt yourself. They never meant to hurt you. They were just being themselves. It’s only you, expecting certain behaviors out of them, that hurts yourself in the end. Life is much better and happier if you let it go and know that when you help someone, you just may get nothing in return, but you’ll be OK.