You will be fine again. I promise you will find yourself and you will like it and you will hold onto it forever after that. Forever is a really long time. In fact, an awfully long time according to Peter Pan. Or was it Wendy Darling? It doesn’t matter. What matters is, you will be fine again. Trust me, I know right now you are thinking about him, but it won’t be like this for much longer. You may not get closure, but that’s OK. Closure is overrated. It’s doubtful that anyone who says they have found it really truly never think about their person anymore. Because you’ll still think about him seven years later. Only this time, thoughts of him won’t be hurting you, they’ll be haunting you. Closure? I think not.
Right now you are seeing him in the last holiday you spent together that meant something. You are seeing him in that new character on your favorite TV show. You are reading him in the latest book you borrowed from the library for reading you do on your free time. You are hearing his name everywhere and why do so many people have his name anyway? This too, shall pass. It may not seem like it now.
Right now you are talking about him to every single one of your girlfriends and any listening ear. You are analyzing every move he made. You want an answer, but there may not be one. You are thinking about all the things he said that turned you on, that sugarplumfairy! still turns you on. And it’s so wrong, but you are a girl and you get emotionally attached. He could be with someone new right now, but you don’t care. You still think about him. You think about him first thing when you wake up in the morning. You think about him last thing before falling asleep at night. Every song on the radio reminds you of him and you relate to the lyrics as if they were written just to describe your situation. You know what? It’s not emotional attachment. It just is.
Right now you are wondering if he misses you just as much as you miss him. Does he care about you just as much as you care about him? You want to wear his old shirt to bed and throw it away at the same time. You drink alone because you think your girlfriends are tired of talking about him, but you still need some way to forget. You go to places you used to go with him because you think what if you just happen to see him there and get a chance to reconnect? But you never do run into him. You wonder if that’s the universe trying to tell you to move on. You are moving on. You’re just not fighting not moving on anymore which is moving on.
You will be fine again. I promise you will find that time is not the only thing that will help you be fine again. Time is the only thing that sobers you from a night of drinking. He was not your Everything. How can he be? You were someone before he came along and you are still someone now, while he’s gone. It’s not just something you need to believe in. It’s a fact. Even if he’s with someone new, let her deal with him. Let her deal with his drinking habits, his inability to fasten the seatbelt, his yelling, his failure to listen. Let her deal with it. It doesn’t mean there won’t be a time when they find each other apart too. And who says he’s the only one allowed to have someone new? You can too, though maybe not right this second. But being without someone new doesn’t make you any less you. You are more you without him.
You will be fine again. It’s not something people say all the time to make you feel better, but secretly don’t believe. It’s a fact. And it demands your attention and care.