I am in a video! Someone else’s this time and it’s a trailer. Well, good because I bet you guys are sick of me attempting to make videos that sound coherent and have music and all that jazz. I think I will continue my attempts because I gave my word, but for now, you might recognize the person behind this trailer as Dr. Merjjena B. Hemp. If you watch closely you will see me awkwardly trying to wish her luck on her launch.
Since this video she has launched her Complicated Conversations videos on topics dealing with our lives in the post-9/11 era. But first, can we talk about how she decided to launch this series?! Skydiving from 13,000 feet!! Props to her for coming up with not only a creative way to launch, but a daredevil way to go! Seriously.
Check out Merj’s channel for more on what people were doing during 9/11, how education plays a role on how we are to view the world, gun control issues, and more fun flying/gliding videos. We all need to have more adventure in our spirits like Merj.
Sometimes Self-Doubt walks in unannounced and I am forced to take it in with reluctant open arms. I don’t even think about it anymore, it just happens. My crazy writer mind can be overactive. Surprise, surprise. When this happens, my thoughts go through more mutations than a gene.
So quickly and so many in fact, there aren’t enough words to describe them all. I feel defeated, like every single person I know, including my parents who are sworn to love me ‘til death do us part, is lying to me about the good things in my life. The extremely insecure teenaged girl I was in high school comes out and all of a sudden I wave my hands and surround people with eggshells. Eggshells are everywhere, like a floor covered in lava and having only a couch as a sanctuary, and I don’t know where to go with my words because these words, once innocuous, are now daggers in recipients’ hearts and I don’t even know why.
So I start to question every little thing about myself. Ridiculous, I know. Not healthy in the realm of self-love. I sstart to ssecond-guess myself and dive deep into existential ponderingss. (And apparently start sounding like a snake too. *shivers*) It’s like a depressive moment that makes me pause, so I stare blankly (there’s that snake again) and look like I don’t care, when really, I care so much I’m like a barnacle. Then it becomes a sickly cycle when I’m afraid I’ve offended someone by looking like I don’t care, when I wish they could hear my lightning mutating thoughts and know what was going on internally and just know, that I DO CARE. I care more than they will ever know. I feel like I should say something, but instead, I do nothing.
So Self-Doubt wins every time and this moment just gets filed away in the back of my brain to be revisited at some other moment when Self-Doubt walks in unannounced and I am forced to take it in with reluctant open arms…