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What happens when the Tooth Fairy locks Underdaddy in a library study room?

Underdaddy 2

I see him before I hear him—Underdaddy lip-syncing to Mariah Carey’s “Always Be My Baby.” It’s not until I fly right up to the library computer holding him hostage with a set of headphones that I notice today he is off-duty, dressed as David Blackwood, sans one wallaby. “Tooth Fetish” courtesy of Google is how I found him and my job is to find out how he vomits words onto the screen and manages to make posts deep, humorous, and witty all at once.

http://www.toothfairyisland.com/

I take out my wand, zap us both into a study room, and the interrogation begins…

Tooth Fairy

Why do you write?

Underdaddy

I started writing because I felt like I had some funny stories to share and within a month I thought they were played out. So I started just writing a variety of inner thoughts or updates or background stories and what I found was that someone would respond positively to every post and sometimes not people I would expect to be affected. Putting something out that touches one person makes it seem worth the effort so I keep writing.

Tooth Fairy

How does your blog differ from other Dad Blogs?

Underdaddy

I think the main way that I differ is that other Dad Blogs are actual Dad Blogs; they attempt helpful advice. Mine involves parenting most of the time but I wouldn’t expect it would get many sponsors. I do this for fun and memories more than anything. I try to write some meaningful stuff mixed in with the funny self-evaluation type of stories. I don’t believe in faking the funk and acting like we are a perfect happy group when we are a whirlwind of craziness.

Tooth Fairy

Leo Tolstoy once said, “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” How does your creative process work?

Underdaddy

First I try to exhaust myself so that all my normal thoughts are used up or inaccessible. Next, I wait until late at night so my posts are less likely to hit any kind of target audience. Then I type furiously to unload my thoughts and I consider editing but then I decide against it and just hit the PUBLISH button. Seriously, I just write what I am feeling at the moment and it is mostly stream of consciousness.

Tooth Fairy

Right on. So is David Blackwood a German name?

Underdaddy

Scottish I think. And most popular in the south for a gospel group that has a show in the Smoky Mountains. Yes we are distantly related and no I can’t sing and I’m not much on gospel music anyway. Funny sideline on that whole reference, it is an inside joke. My dad and I were at a Cinco De Mayo celebration with his friend who is South Korean. A really drunk guy stumbled up and stared at him until we were all uncomfortable and suddenly he got enough brain power to ask a question, “Hey buddy you look foreign…. Are you German? We told the man that he was and he said, “I knew it!” and walked away. I always ask anyone who is obviously not German if they are German. So now you know. Another fun lineage fact, the Blackwood clan landed in the new world in 1686 so approximately one billionth of my lineage is an original North Carolina colonist. If I read a genetics study correctly, there are traces of Genghis Khan DNA in about 25% of current Chinese lineage which is much cooler than my ancestors.

Tooth Fairy

Nice, I like the inside joke story. How did you end up with a cool blog name? I suspect the leading lady of your life had something to do with it.

Underdaddy

Actually the kids. We love the movie “Underdog.” He always tries to save the day and ends up goofing but things turn out okay in the end. I can identify with that. One day I told my wife that I felt like Underdog but more like Underdaddy, I registered the domain name that day. Most people want to be superhero parents but most people are lucky to stay above water. I have people in my professional life who will call me Underdaddy so I don’t think my secret is very well kept.

Tooth Fairy

On that note, let’s say your blog becomes a best-selling novel or memoir or the like, then is optioned by Hollywood, who would you cast as you?

Underdaddy

Myself, I would be a solid B-list actor.

Tooth Fairy

As your four little monster princesses?

Underdaddy

A collection of the Disney characters from “Good Luck Charlie,” “Dog With a Blog,” and given roles similar to “The Middle.”

Tooth Fairy

As Super Mommy? *cues in “Pony” by Ginuwine*

Underdaddy 3

Underdaddy

The girl from “Magic Mike,” Adam’s sister. That’s right, I referenced “Magic Mike,” keep walking nothing to see here.

Tooth Fairy

What makes you laugh?

Underdaddy

Puns, children, satire, irony, uncomfortable questions to unsuspecting people, and farts.

Tooth Fairy

What makes you angry?

Underdaddy

Willful ignorance. When people are so committed to a fallacy that they ignore you altogether.

Tooth Fairy

What makes you weep?

Underdaddy

Music, movies, onions, beautifully told stories, pictures, stubbing my toe on the bed frame, talking about something emotionally connected to who I am, thinking of having more kids, children’s telethons and radiothons, plucking a nose hair, paper cuts, chocolate oatmeal cookies.

Tooth Fairy

I have to ask, since you mentioned you live in Tennessee and last summer the ‘rents and I took a road trip down there to see Graceland and Nashville for the first time, would you rock out on stage with Johnny Cash or Elvis Presley?

Underdaddy

Johnny Cash because I might fall into a burning ring of fire one day. Then again, Elvis was a cool dude.

Tooth Fairy

By the way, I’m pretty sure the King of Rock ‘N’ Roll came back from the dead and stole my notebook I was scribbling in because I never saw it again after visiting his home. Trust me, all three of us looked. I suspect it has something to do with his objection over me picking up a Taylor Swift album as a souvenir.

Underdaddy

I could see where he would object to that but T-Sweezy is my girl. I wonder if you were disappointed with how dumpy Graceland seems compared to our current awesome housing standards. I know people on welfare with better houses these days. Plus it is in a really rough part of Memphis, you are lucky the notebook was all that was missing. Did you visit Beale Street? You drove through Jackson, TN on interstate 40 and you were about nine miles from my house. How cool is that? Next time you are through you can come meet some cool farm animals, crazy kids, and a wallaby.

Tooth Fairy

I know for sure we did not visit Beale Street at night. That is definitely pretty awesome we were that close to your house. Next time I will have to stop by for the animals and the kids. Are you ready for your next question?

You wake up from a coma.

Underdaddy

Thank God.

Tooth Fairy

What’s the first thing out of your mouth?

Underdaddy

The breathing tube I hope.

Tooth Fairy

Or your family is trying to treat your amnesia. What’s the one memory they can bring up that would definitely help you remember who you are?

Underdaddy

I have a really strong memory along these lines. I had surgery a few years back and as I was coming out of the anesthesia I saw my wife walking towards the bed and the nurse was telling me to breathe. I couldn’t get a thought together enough to speak but I held out my arms and just wanted to hold her. I had tears in my eyes and I felt like a toddler just wanting to be held. It made me feel safe and is burned forever into my brain.

Tooth Fairy

If I zapped you into the Hunger Games right now, what would be your weapon of choice?

Underdaddy

Pity. I would cower and cry like my life was ending because it would be.

Tooth Fairy

Would you kill or be killed?

Underdaddy

I would kill, tooth and nail, me or them all the way. I would have smoked Peeta at the end (I assume everyone wants to be Katniss). We all know Gale is hotter anyway.

Tooth Fairy

If you had to be eliminated, and there was no way to hug the answers into you and the fear out, which way would you want to die?

Underdaddy

Something blunt to the head I suppose. Or a land mine near the provisions.

Tooth Fairy

What’s your favorite Disney movie? Why?

Underdaddy

This is impossible to answer. Do I go with “Robin Hood” for the songs and overlook the obvious “Jungle Book”? “Little Mermaid” got some serious airplay at our house. The new classics are awesome too. “Beauty and the Beast”? Gaston is an excellent character. “The Lion King” with Timon and Pumba. I think it has to be the “Jungle Book” and Baloo the Bear is the reason. His song about the “Bare Necessities” is spot on. If I had to pick one genre of movies to watch and exclude all others I could get by on Disney movies.

Tooth Fairy

Someone once told me that fathers are like archers and their children are like arrows. What is your take on this stance?

Underdaddy

I’m not entirely sure what the intent of the metaphor is but I can say that at different times I have wanted to launch them at something far away. I guess that they mean it is a father’s job to send his children off towards a target in life. I think fathers are more closely related to body guards for drunken celebrities that insist on harming themselves.

Tooth Fairy

For your fans thinking about having kids, what’s the best piece of advice someone gave you to prepare for fatherhood?

Underdaddy

Relax. Kids bounce. One of the best quotes I have seen is for parents wanting to have a second kid and are worrying about loving them equally. Don’t worry about having enough love for all of your children because they come prepackaged with their own.

Tooth Fairy

And now rethinking this question, does that even exist?

Underdaddy

I have seen it work that way. Both responses.

Tooth Fairy

Do enlighten inquiring minds.

Underdaddy

All that being said, nothing prepares you for fatherhood (or motherhood). It is an abstract concept that you really don’t get until you are there yourself. It doesn’t increase the depth of your love so much as it adjusts your reference. People typically practice on having a dog before kids and they think, “My goodness, how could I love something as much as my dog.” Then the kid comes and they know deep down that they would cook the dog if the kid was hungry enough. That is life. Imagine you could go back in time and watch over yourself in a hard moment from your childhood. What would you do to stand up for yourself or protect yourself from harm? The answer for kids is anything. They drive me crazy but I would give both lungs if those little bastards needed them.

Tooth Fairy

Is raising a wallaby anything like raising a human child?

Underdaddy

Hmm. I’ve never seriously considered putting one of the children down or throwing them outside for coyotes to consume so; it differs somewhat. I can say that their abilities to cover things in excrement are super similar. The wallaby has never handed me a turd while smiling about it so the point goes to the wallaby in that category. Most of the children were more expensive than the wallaby but not by much. A wallaby also doesn’t disrupt your sex life for 2-4 months. Both are really cute and good for conversation. Kids are much tougher and funnier.

Tooth Fairy

Don’t be shy. Do share.

Underdaddy

I can elaborate more if you have curiosity.

Tooth Fairy

Yes, please.

Underdaddy

Kids cause more consternation. If anyone happened to have a college experience that was a little on the “party” side then you probably remember having a friend who was drunk or unruly at a time when you weren’t and you had to shepherd them. To keep them out of jail or a pine box six feet under. Kids are exactly like that but without mood altering drugs. Mine have licked chairs in the emergency room, crapped on a family members lawn, asked me questions in crowded areas that were completely out of context, and improved my life 100%. Animals and kids for us are all part of the same experience.

Tooth Fairy

There’s only one word you can use to sum up what it means to be an Underdaddy. What is it?

Underdaddy 1

Underdaddy

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

*No daddies, male strippers, nor Disney princesses were harmed with a wand or pixie dust during this interview.

**Underdaddy can be found wreaking havoc over at Conceited Crusade and sharing his dadly adventures in Dads Behaving Dadly 2.

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9 thoughts on “What happens when the Tooth Fairy locks Underdaddy in a library study room?

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