There are times when I sit down to write and just want to scream my head off, not because I have writer’s block (even though sometimes I want to react like that too when I do), but because all of a sudden I am thinking about something that irks me like this morning when I was unable to disable Skype from my email. It’ll be something out of my control for the moment and it’ll just bother me and bother me until either I figure it out or turn to writing and just want to scream my head off.
I think this feeling is akin to wanting to win every time you do something that has a win or lose outcome or wanting to do something new right the very first time you do it. I suppose I have those flaws too now that I think about it. The perfectionist in me won’t stop clawing at me like a grizzly bear protecting its cubs from a hunter. I can even play dead and it won’t go away. (It’s very possible I saw The Revenant today.) The stubborn in me becomes defensive and I lash out, regretting it immediately. My thoughts are not just screaming at this point–they want to be let out and do a Show and Tell until understanding is achieved. Chicken would be involved.
My character doesn’t accept defeat. That one is a strength and a weakness. (My, that would be a fun interview question answer now wouldn’t it?) My character keeps her mouth shut when she should have said something, but there were so many thoughts running through her brain it was easier to stay silent because she didn’t want to confuse anyone even though mainly she’s just confusing herself. And hurting herself. And sometimes dragging others with her unintentionally by remaining quiet.
I like to solve problems, but when there’s something I can’t fix within the time limit, let the banshee loose and rip up the cash.