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Say the words that are on your mind.

Once upon a time I was a shrinking violet. *hold the gasp* I don’t think this is something hard to see in me, but I could be wrong. You may or may not have met me in person. I’m counting on most of you fall in the latter category. Anyway, I not only relate to the book to a certain degree, but I relate to the movie, Radio Rebel. I still need to read the book to see how closely the movie follows it, but the basic idea of Tara being a girl who is extremely shy and really quiet I’m sure remains the same. She can talk like a normal person in front of her close friends, but when it comes to participating in class, there’s no way she’ll raise her hand. And if she comes face to face with her crush, forget it. No words are going to come out, period. That was me starting in grade school and all the way through high school. I changed a lot post-high school.

Yet just the character of Tara is not what stood out to me. There’s a part at the resolution of “Radio Rebel” where Tara makes a speech to her senior class that she is the girl “so afraid of saying the wrong thing she says nothing instead.” Yes! That is so me, I thought, as soon as she said that. Specifically I was thinking of crushes. They came to mind first because I typically act like that around a guy I’m interested in. I’m a nervous person in general, but when I’m around my crush, I want to say so many things that I end up saying nothing at all for fear that I will mess up or sound dumb or whatever. But then again, now that I think about it, this also applied to me when I was in school and we were required to raise our hand to answer questions and such. I would always be terrified to be called on by the teacher for fear that I would say something stupid and embarrass myself in front of the class.

But sometimes we need to speak up, even if we start out stuttering. We may miss getting together with people we like, making a new friend, or sharing a smart idea with the class. And in some cases, we miss saving a life. Let’s not miss out. Let’s reduce the number of regrets we have.

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Cuando tenía…

ping-pong

https://winterranchactivities.com/sports-and-exercise/ping-pong/

Singing makes me feel better when I’m down. I can’t explain it. Just like I can’t explain why I’m not athletic, but I can play ping pong and practice archery (I just know play archery sounds wrong, but I don’t know what the correct verb is that goes with archery) like a pro. OK, maybe not like a pro, but you catch my drift.

When I didn’t know any better, I used to want to be good at everything so I would never be embarrassed or make a mistake doing anything. Trust me, as much as I tried to be perfect, I didn’t avoid being embarrassed or making mistakes. I guess that either proves nobody can truly be perfect or you can still be embarrassed or make mistakes even if you do everything as carefully and accurately as you possibly can. Either way this conversation makes me feel like this: o.0

This doesn’t mean I tried everything. It just means everything I did try I wanted to be perfect at it, and the sooner the better. There were some things I avoided trying at all because I figured if I never tried, there’s no way I could embarrass myself or make a mistake.

One time I took this quiz in Girls’ Life to find out what is my biggest fear and death was the last thing on my list. Failure and embarrassment were my top two. (I don’t remember what number three was.) Ha! Funny how death means a guaranteed no failure and embarrassment. Maybe that’s where the phrase, “I’d rather die than…” comes from.

But now I’m older, not necessarily wiser, and I know there’s no way to go about life avoiding failure and embarrassment altogether. The only difference is now, I just sing it all away instead of not trying.