the umpteenth time

I hate this part right here. This is a story of a girl who got her heart broken again for the umpteenth time by the same guy, just looks different than the last one and the one before that. She notices all the toxic warning signs, but chooses to ignore them, though not on purpose. It’s like her brain is programmed to fall this way. It goes into a loop and can’t get out. Someone please smash it and watch it crumble like a chocolate chip cookie so she has a chance to start over as a different girl. Maybe a lobotomy would be easier. Who really knows? I just know I hate this part right here. This girl convinces herself there’s something wrong with her while her friends reassure her there’s nothing wrong with her. Maybe so, but that means there’s something wrong with love. Why else would this be the umpteenth time? Or maybe it wasn’t so much love that got her, but false hope? False hope will get anyone at any time. All the questions drive her nuts and she knows many of them she does not have the answers to nor will she get them. Only time and writing private letters help. After a while the umpteenth will fade back into an unpleasant memory, no, just a memory. Umpteenth will just be another lesson learned. I hate this part right here. Because no matter how many lessons I’ve learned in matters of the heart, I end up failing.

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