Tryin’ My Best, Kansas City

I’ve been listening to Mandy Moore’s latest album, Silver Landings, and I felt inspired by one of her songs on there about Los Angeles. Obviously I can’t exactly write about L.A., but I realized I’m not sure I can write about K.C. either. I know that sounds like a sad conclusion, but what I mean is, while I can’t say K.C. has treated me horribly since I moved here, it doesn’t have that spark with me, like when girls talk about meeting a possible date for the first time and if there was an immediate chemistry or not, you know? K.C. is good, but it’s missing that something something for me and it’s not for a lack of trying. I guess my biggest pain point about this city is making new friends. You can make new friends anywhere. It just might take some time, maybe longer than you had wanted, but no matter how much time you take, it doesn’t guarantee you’ll make the kinds of friends you want to keep. What it breaks down to is I have a couple of shallow friends in K.C., but no deep friendships forged into a bond I never want to break. I’ve come to realize how hard that is to find once you move away from a city where you do have those deep friendships that actually mean something when you reflect on them. And that is the grim reality I face each day I am here. I left Columbia, MO for K.C. and I’ve come to realize over the course of time that while I may not have deep friendships in K.C., I do have a couple in CoMO that I still keep in touch with that are what I’m looking for in a keeper friendship. I hope they stay that way, but for now, I’m grateful I can text/e-mail/call/snail mail with them, truly. It is especially great to be able to do that during this neverending pandemic. I just never imagined five years in and I still don’t have what I’m looking for in a friend nearby. Is it possible to live somewhere and not have friends close by, but a couple keepers in another city close by? Within the last five years I’ve met a couple new girl friends in K.C. that I started hanging out with and broke bread together a couple of times where I could share details about my life and vice versa, but none of them ended up sticking once I was betrayed/flaked out on/freeloaded on/abandoned. Some I cut out of my life, others stopped texting/calling me to hang out. What it comes down to is I’m not meeting like-minded girls organically. I’ve met some who are great for hanging out, but so far have not developed any of those great hangs to deeper friendships I want to keep. I don’t want to be sad or angry about my situation in K.C. It just might be a great lesson in being alone and learning to accept everything that comes with being alone. There must be some reason why I’m going through this and I’m not going to let it get me down or feel sorry for myself. I may not get to forge the kind of keeper friendship I want in K.C., but I am going to let this experience help me forge a new identity. YuMin 2.0.

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