you can’t win

Sometimes it’s easier not to say anything. At least for me it is. I’m not the fastest thinker on my feet and I feel like if I say whatever comes first to my mind, I may say something offensive unintentionally. That opens a whole can of worms I don’t want to deal with in the moment. Actually, it’s more like a whole can of rattlesnakes sometimes depending on how deep my issues have been buried inside. I really don’t want to open that can, but my mouth sure does get me into trouble sometimes. Eeek! Por ejemplo, if I compliment someone on what they are wearing, I don’t want them to first of all, take it the wrong way, and second of all, feel self-conscious about what they are wearing for the rest of the day and start adjusting their clothes every few minutes or something until the day is over. Or if someone were to ask me advice on something especially if it is related to their love life, I wouldn’t want to say something that may come across as judgmental or end up possibly changing their life in a way they didn’t imagine or want. On the flip side, sometimes I worry if I don’t say anything, someone’s life may take a completely different turn for the worse that could have been prevented if I’d only said something. While I know nothing is ever completely my fault for saying or not saying something to someone, I struggle with all these thoughts before speaking. And then there are the times when I don’t want to say something for fear of what others are going to think about me. I know, I know, I shouldn’t care, but I feel like it’s only human for all of us to care, even if only a little. So what ends up happening is maybe there are times I really need to say something, but I get so wrapped up in all the “What ifs” that I say nothing. Sometimes that’s interpreted as I am dumb or have no opinion on something when in reality I could write a whole essay on that topic.

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