That was one of the words my ex-boyfriend used to describe me. He was wrong about a lot of things, but he was right about that one and that one right thing was what I hated the most about him and me together. It’s funny it sometimes takes a romantic relationship to learn who I am, but that’s what happened seven years ago. To me, being nervous and easily upset is the worst thing in the world. I don’t know why I feel that way or where the feeling comes from. I just do. But more specifically I hate the word “high-strung.” I don’t even like saying it. It’s like if I’m thinking about saying it I’ll have to pull a Harry Potter and just call it a “you-know-what” instead. Like, my ex-boyfriend used to call me a you-know-what. That doesn’t sound right either so that’s probably why it never became a thing. Not that I hope it does because that would be weird. I just think “high-strung” makes me think of “crazy” and while I like being called a crazy writer, I don’t like being called “crazy.” Is that so crazy?
I still haven’t tried out all the pizza places around the KC area, but Grinders is already at the top of my list of go-to places for pizza. I will be doing a separate post on that to go with all my other pizza posts, but it was part of the The Escape Artist KC adventure. Before I went with my Nerdy 30s girls to check out a breakout room, I had heard of breakout rooms at work (where I used to work, not my current work) and it sounded like a fun thing to try with a team or a group of friends. So when I saw this breakout room as a Nerdy 30s event, I knew I had to try it out.
For those of you who are wondering, Nerdy 30s is a group of girls I met on Meetup.com who are all around their 30s and want to do activities that are more nerdy and less partying. I’ve talked about two other events on here, one was a sushi thing and another was the bellydancing thing. Nerdy 30s has helped me explore Kansas City in a fun way without feeling like I have to do all the typical “young people stuff” to meet new people.
The Escape Artist KC was the first breakout room I tried. I hope I will get a chance to try some other ones. We shall see. Us Nerdy 30s girls met at Grinders to talk and get to know each other a little bit before going into the breakout room. It was interesting listening to the girls’ stories of ones they had tried before. When we got to the one we were trying, it became apparent we were part of a mystery story and were the detectives to solve it. I loved the hunting for clues aspect and clues being locked up and using a whiteboard message to help us look for more clues. I won’t say exactly how it went because I don’t want to give anything away for the business, but it was really fun. From the last picture you will see we broke out with about 16 minutes remaining.
This is definitely a team-building event. You are locked in a room with a group of people for about an hour and can only leave if you figure out the mystery and put together all the clues.
I want to tell someone there’s a significant change that happens when you hit your 30s. It’s not puberty #2 or anything, but you do feel it physically. Fatigue starts settling in on your body a lot faster and it takes you longer to recover, making you acutely aware you are no longer in your 20s.
I’m going through this now, even though it’s been two years since I hit 30. It takes a minute for 30 to sink in. It really does. I wanted to share in case anyone is about to go through this or can relate. Feeling tired easily is not a fun feeling, but after you are done with your 20s, you realize you’ve learned so many lessons the dumb, hard way. You appreciate the lessons, but they make you especially thankful you are done with your 20s.
Proceed with caution. My biggest fear right now is rambling too much. I really don’t know if that’s a typical 30s thing, but it seems to be a typical YuMin thing, whatever age she is. Maybe it’s just a part of me, but I can’t shake it, so I reluctantly let it stay. It’s like I have all this word vomit I must share due to previously mentioned lessons. Older, wiser, prouder?
You’re a good person at the core, but you’re pulled by your dark side all the time to do dark things. You’re not sure how you get pulled since you know deep down you’re good. It’s like someone else is making you be bad sometimes. That someone else is in you, but is not you. You are aware of its unwelcome, yet overpowering presence. All you want to do is send it away, but no matter what you try it just won’t go away completely. You’re a slave to it sometimes. Other times your mind overpowers it and it becomes a slave to you. That’s the best feeling in the world. Sometimes the feeling becomes such a rush it is something you crave. And that crave for power is intoxicating. The question is, how are you going to use that power?
*this post inspired by The Shannara Chronicles
Writer’s block is a terrible condition. It makes you sniff your nails and try to clean them if they smell off. Distract yourself by watching random music videos. Scratch your hair. Adjust your glasses 531 times. Pick at your temporary tattoo. Pick up hair from the carpet one strand at a time. Fold 1,000 paper cranes. Wait…I don’t think I’m quite at a thousand…
Clean your pencil sharpener. Check Facebook and Twitter. Take out the trash. Fill in your planner for next week. Floss your teeth. Shower.
And then it chases you back to your seat where butt + chair = write.
The feeling of exhaustion consumes me, like imagining what drowning would be like, only without the euphoria. I know how I got here, too, but I can’t even admit it out loud for fear it becomes reality, even though it is my reality.
Perfectionism is a beast you can’t defeat. It rides on your back and keeps your head facing the screen. You must impress the high-brows or else. You must type the right words or enter the right numbers. You must must. Your heart dances, but not in a good way. It wants to grow a pair of legs and run away.
Run away to somewhere it feels safe to be itself. Somewhere no harm can come to it and nothing can tell it to stay in one place, musting into infinity. In this place there’s no beyond. There’s only Groundhog Day.
The days blend together and it’s hard to tell if you’ve been through the trenches already or it’s only just starting. All you know is the feeling of exhaustion.
Sometimes I take a long time to finish reading a book not because it’s not good, but because I don’t want to lose time I get to spend with the characters. I know, sounds silly. Like crazy writer talk. You would think dragging out the story that long would mean I would spend less time with the characters, but dragging it out like that makes me feel like I’m spending more time with them. You see, as long as I haven’t finished the book I can keep thinking about the characters and imagining what they’re going through. Once I finish the book, my time with them is done. Reading to the last page is like shutting the world where my new favorite characters reside and never being able to reach inside that black top hat again.