People who don’t understand your boundaries don’t deserve your attention. You see, if you let someone take over your schedule one time and not say anything about it, then that person will get used to it and expect you to let them take over your schedule over and over again. Only, they won’t think that they are taking over your schedule. To them they get to be themselves around you and it’s all normal and good. So as soon as you feel someone overstepping your boundaries you feel a tendency to cut them out. But the problem is, if you do this every time someone consistently oversteps your boundaries, there may be no one left. What do you do then? You have two options. Either talk to the person about it or compromise. If you don’t do either, a huge fight is on the horizon.
I have always read about it, but had never attended an English afternoon tea until I tried it with my Nerdy 30s ladies. I was a little bit early arriving at Clock Tower Bakery & Café in Overland Park, KS on Saturday, February 10, 2018, but I did not mind. I was on the waitlist to get in to this event. It gave me time to look around the café and the table set up. It also gave me the chance to bond with one of the gals on getting somewhere early to find good parking. Everything looked like the cutest thing ever, but of course, I had nothing to compare it to. There was an etiquette list, a menu with a long selection of teas, all kinds of little sweets like checkered cake, macarons, chocolate eclairs, cream puffs and scones, all kinds of little salty treats like sausage rolls, cucumber sandwiches, egg salad sandwiches, and other edibles I am missing I am sure. I was apartment hunting at the time and having conversations with the gals about the safest place to live, whether it was better to live in Kansas or Missouri (Kansas won), and what it’s like being married and having a husband who encourages girl time every once in a while, thus she was at the afternoon tea.
I had eaten lunch before going, but immediately regretted that decision once I saw the tower of mini food. If you check it out, they require reservations so they have plenty of time to prepare and I highly recommend not eating a meal beforehand. You will have enough to fill your belly and then some just with all the British snacks to go with tea. And the tea is truly traditional with milk and sugar. So many different kinds to choose from like Buckingham Palace and Monk’s Tea. The only downside for me is I am not really able to drink caffeine that is not coffee in the afternoon without feeling wired at night. It kept me up, but it was worth it for the experience of British afternoon tea.
I was at a Chinese buffet yesterday with my mom (like Scarlett O’ Hara I feel like she is the only woman I can trust) and noticed many families on their phones instead of engaging with each other. Meanwhile my mom and I were swapping stories and laughing and having a good time together. It made me sad and disappointed to see so many disconnected families, but it made me grateful to have the time to spend with my mom in the way that I still can. I am cherishing every moment I get to spend with my mom. You just never know how long you have with someone.
I try to check in with myself every now and then to see if I have successfully transformed into a girl. I know that sounds silly, but humor me for a second. I know by my phenotype I am a girl, but on the inside I think a lot like a guy. Thus, I make a lot of decisions based on how a typical guy would make them. So specifically, the basics such as hair, makeup, clothes, and all that jazz…yeah, I didn’t really care about any of all that stuff until now.
I guess you could say I have a little “more” time now than I did while I was in grade school or handling two jobs while going to more school. It’s more like I may not have time, but I’m making time for all the girly stuff I missed out on in grade school. I haven’t really figured out why the sudden interest, but it’s happening. The metamorphosis is real guys.
I’m looking for eye creams, watching YouTube tutorials on ways to do my hair and nails, going to clothing swaps, and finding fun ways to express myself verbally. I’m opening the window every day including during the winter to filter out some VOCs. Apparently we have volatile organic compounds floating around indoors and want to avoid that. I’m looking for sulfate-free shampoo, drinking water with lemon, and going for heatless hairstyles. I’m running 2-3 times a week for at least 20 minutes at a time. I’m trying to get back into ballet stretches and eventually ballet exercises like in my olden days.
Yep, it’s safe to say I’m officially a girl now.
Depression and fear can creep up on you before you are fully aware of it, like getting your period if you’re a girl. At least that’s how it is when I’m getting my period. (I hope this is not TMI.) I’m fine one day, then the next all of a sudden I’m starving all the time and really moody. I’m surprised every time, like I’ve never gotten my period before, and then it arrives and I’m thinking ohhh! That’s what was going on with me the last few days, duh! Every. Time.
Anyway, that’s kind of like how depression and fear creep up on you. When it does and you finally realize that’s what’s going on with you, you just feel…defeated if it’s the first time you’re going through it and disappointed if it’s not the first time. The truth is at different stages of your life you’re going to experience moments where you just don’t feel like you belong anywhere, but you’ll also experience moments of pure joy, where you know you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. I would tell you to hold onto those moments of pure joy when you are going through moments in the opposite direction, but that only works temporarily.
It takes peace. And that means shushing the voices in your head that confuse you. That can be a confusing process in itself, but it must be done to get the clarity you need so you can stop feeling down on yourself and letting your fears take the wheel.
The haters of the world make me sad. To me they just cause excess stress. Trying to figure out their existence is like asking Mom the perpetual “why?” question. Dad Hugs. Haters need a big, warm Dad Hug. I saw a video clip on Facebook the other day, already forget where it’s from, and a little girl was crying to her dad in the car. When he tried asking her what was wrong, she kept crying and couldn’t tell him. He kept asking, but when he realized she wasn’t going to tell, he finally asked her if she wanted a hug. She nodded, “yeah,” and he gave her a big ole Dad Hug. Her crying stopped. That. That is what all haters need. If only…
Because of my past experiences I fully understand Kelly Clarkson’s song, “Because of You.” My parents. Because of my past experiences I am most attracted to listening to pop music. Also my parents, but mostly my dad. Because of my past experiences I have had to learn how to socialize. Me…and my parents. I feel weird admitting that, but if you knew the whole story, you would understand where I’m coming from. Because of my past experiences I’ve become better at reading people, both at work and outside of work. My former and current friends and co-workers. This one makes me sad to admit even though I know I’m not the only one. Sad because that’s the reality of humankind.
And reality…isn’t always how we pictured it to be. Usually it is depicted as something negative, a situation worse than we expect or want it to be. Maybe that’s why we spend so much time and money escaping from reality. Some of us build our whole lives around bigger and better ways we can escape reality. Some of us face it every day without ever getting a break. I just hope it doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. I want to believe reality can be something to look forward to all the time rather than to escape all the time.