Hilary Duff is not exactly mesmerizing like Lindsay Lohan. But her Greta character really pulled me in. I don’t remember ever being as obvious as her when I was 16, but once again, I can relate to how she feels in a world “According to Greta.” I think Greta works for Hilary Duff because she’s so opposite of Lizzie McGuire and you don’t expect Hilary Duff to play someone like Greta. When you have low expectations, results turn out better. I didn’t expect her to play someone so troubled she wants to kill herself, so when she did it well, I really appreciated her performance as the work of art it was. Her clothes, her hair, her make-up, and her attitude all came together nicely to play a convincing suicidal girl. There was more to her character than just a girl contemplating ending her life. Those thoughts rarely come from nothing. When you find out more about her life, you begin to get inside her head, but at the same time feel bad for her. It’s funny both Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff ended up in movies with moms and grandmoms who send unruly daughters away to deal with their rebellious teenaged girls. Greta writes in a notebook and I immediately gravitate towards anyone who does that. Her thoughts she shares makes her accessible in a way you can understand her. The story itself delivers a good message: suicide affects those around you the most. People can only try to save you so much. If you kill yourself you hurt the people who love you the most. In the end only you can save you. Besides worrying about you, the people that love you have a lot of their own troubles to worry about. It’s not necessary to make others prove to you that they care about you by risking their lives to save you. Oh, and one more thing. If I had Greta as my waitress, I would request to be seated in her section every time as well.
My history of art professor taught me the meaning of mesmerized. The word came from a guy named Mesmer and right now I cannot think of exactly what she said he did, but it looks like his name has something to do with the spelling. There was also a painting she showed us with some guy who had a look on his face like he was in a trance or something. That’s the kind of feeling I get about Lindsay Lohan. I think ever since I saw her in “The Parent Trap,” I have been at least a little bit fascinated with her. It may have something to do with her being born exactly one day after me. It doesn’t matter. What matters is I can relate to her and she is talented. She is a talented actress and not such a bad singer as well. “Georgia Rule” was made during a time in my life when I really needed a story like it and I was mesmerized watching Lindsay Lohan’s performance. I’m not going to say I can relate to everything in this story. There’s no way. But the biggest thing I can relate to is Rachel’s need to rebel at her age. Her grandmother reminds me of my mother, and for that matter, Asian mothers in general. At her age I would not have had the lady balls to try to seduce the local vet, perform oral sex on someone else’s boyfriend, let alone someone else’s Mormon boyfriend, and go through child molestation by my stepfather. I feel for Rachel even though I have never gone through the same trauma. She is like all of us—someone who wants to be understood and loved by someone she can do the same for right back. To be honest, I don’t think I could have done what she did at any age, but because of the kind of broken girl she was playing, I can see why she did what she did. It doesn’t excuse her behavior, but by the end of the movie I think I’m in love with Georgia’s granddaughter as well.
The lady at orientation made it sound so good, like it would be so much fun and fun was as far as I could look as a recent high school senior. So here I am, a month, not planning the future like everybody else. They all are fast-forwarding to attending. Eating good food and sleeping in the most comfortable mattress and watching Disney movies because I got time to grow up. First semester didn’t go so well, but at least I didn’t fail out, not that I think it’s funny someone failed out due to a video game addiction. WOW is it? I know nothing about video games, only everything about every shade of snow. The ‘rents are away at work and I have the whole house to myself. It’s a lot of room for my thoughts to get out of control. The snow is beautiful and so are the robins hanging out on the bare branches, but that doesn’t change the fact up to this point I had been training for the Olympics and once I got in, the Olympics was over and I’m on my butt trying to figure out what my next move should be. Except I have no idea. All I want to do is be a Sheryl Crow song. At the end of this month it’s back to another semester of I don’t know. Another semester of stress beyond any freshman can imagine. Maybe I’m exaggerating, maybe I’m not, but the only ones who get it are the undergraduates of this school. They say I’m at the age where my whole life is ahead of me. I’ve heard my whole life “life is short.” So why does it feel so long?
Don’t procrastinate. Stuff You Have To Do will just build up like plaque in between your teeth and then you’ll have to figure out how to tackle all of it at once like an ant bathes in a drop of water. Believe you me, that is not fun. If you care about the SYHTD, you may end up sacrificing your health to get it done. Usually that consists of staying up late and not eating three meals a day or substituting cooking with take out or instant microwavable meals like Ramen or Easy Mac. But that’s OK. It’s a quick gradual fix to reset if you want to reverse the effects of procrastination by replacing it with not-procrastination week by week until you are back to SYHTD like refilling your gas tank with 91 several times after it empties to bring the engine back to optimal function to replace the 87 you have been filling it without realizing the damage it may do to your engine. Don’t procrastinate. It takes more time to procrastinate than to actually get done what you set out to do. You’ll start typing a sentence then suddenly glance down and see how dirty your keyboard is and grab a can of air. Next thing you know you’re hungry from all that phalange movement so you go make some pasta, but it’s too boring watching water boil so you turn on the TV in the kitchen to keep you company and all of a sudden Sheldon is trying to cheer Leonard up by offering to beat him at a game Leonard cares least about losing. After you eat you feel like you deserve a little break so you go take Fifi for a walk. When you get back, it’s time for a nap. When you wake up you need to fit together another piece of that 1,000 piece Simpsons puzzle. Don’t procrastinate. Like backwards Nike, just don’t do it.
You cannot force a good idea to come out of you like lemon juice. You must first sit and meditate, do some flame gazing, go running underneath a trail of oak trees, talk to Grandmother Willow, have some spumoni, drink black coffee, and draw a unicorn.
People are different behind the wheel than in front of it.
Well, for starters, if you’re in front of the wheel, you don’t want to get run over. Haha, no I’m kidding. I wrote that statement just now and thought it sounded so profound until I really thought about it. Basically I’m trying to say you’re a different person while driving than not. Somehow driving is the one thing we do that really tests our patience to the point some have road rage. Why is that? I can never figure it out. The very same people who have terrible road rage can be the nicest, sweetest people in person. I don’t get it. So do those people hide their impatience behind the mask of being polite? Driving is a litmus test for how patient someone really is. Or is driving a separate animal all together and you can’t count it as a test for anything? Now that’s interesting. We should do a study of people’s personalities and how it correlates to what kind of driver they’ll be if such a study hasn’t been done yet. I could Google it, but I’m too lazy. There’s something cathartic about typing my guts out onto a blank piece of paper. I like it. 🙂
Sometimes I feel like a silent loudspeaker. It’s like my thoughts and actions are being broadcast on some big screen somewhere that everybody knows except for me and everyone who is around me acts like they know nothing. Oh, wait…that’s like the Truman Show. It’s been a while since I’ve seen that movie, but I get the gist of it and I remember really liking it. It’s one of the few Jim Carrey movies I like. It’s sad though because every time I think of Jim Carrey, which is not very often, I think of depression. I think he has been diagnosed with clinical depression at some point and it made me sad to think a lot of comedians are going through this or have gone through this. It’s like you can’t be really funny without having gone through a lot of unpleasant experiences, some downright shitty.
Maybe we are all on our individual Truman Show and different shows collide. And that’s how black holes form. Or hurricanes and earthquakes happen. But I think I feel this way because people are way too judgmental. It just takes one look for me to know someone is judging me. Usually it’s something I share about myself with them. When I get that judgy vibe coming from them, it doesn’t encourage me to keep sharing. Or it makes me want to edit what I say in real-time. If I notice myself starting to do that with someone, that’s the beginning of me knowing I won’t be close friends with this person. In the best case scenario it’ll just take me a little longer to become good friends with this person. The funny thing is, people are quick to judge without knowing the whole picture. We can’t help it. It’s kind of in our DNA. We go for the worst in people. Let’s be curious thinkers instead of Negative Nancies.