My history of art professor taught me the meaning of mesmerized. The word came from a guy named Mesmer and right now I cannot think of exactly what she said he did, but it looks like his name has something to do with the spelling. There was also a painting she showed us with some guy who had a look on his face like he was in a trance or something. That’s the kind of feeling I get about Lindsay Lohan. I think ever since I saw her in “The Parent Trap,” I have been at least a little bit fascinated with her. It may have something to do with her being born exactly one day after me. It doesn’t matter. What matters is I can relate to her and she is talented. She is a talented actress and not such a bad singer as well. “Georgia Rule” was made during a time in my life when I really needed a story like it and I was mesmerized watching Lindsay Lohan’s performance. I’m not going to say I can relate to everything in this story. There’s no way. But the biggest thing I can relate to is Rachel’s need to rebel at her age. Her grandmother reminds me of my mother, and for that matter, Asian mothers in general. At her age I would not have had the lady balls to try to seduce the local vet, perform oral sex on someone else’s boyfriend, let alone someone else’s Mormon boyfriend, and go through child molestation by my stepfather. I feel for Rachel even though I have never gone through the same trauma. She is like all of us—someone who wants to be understood and loved by someone she can do the same for right back. To be honest, I don’t think I could have done what she did at any age, but because of the kind of broken girl she was playing, I can see why she did what she did. It doesn’t excuse her behavior, but by the end of the movie I think I’m in love with Georgia’s granddaughter as well.
Is it ever possible to share everything about yourself to someone? Maybe you can spend a whole lifetime with someone and never find out some things. Maybe you spend so much time together you share just about everything until you are sick of each other. I think in the back of our hearts we just want to be known. Not to be famous or anything like that, but not invisible. Some people like attention, but no one wants to be forgotten. If that happens, it’s like you don’t exist. No one truly wants that, even if some claim they do.
We all have things we like to hide from other people. We all have things we like to share with other people, including things we wish someone would notice about us. Some things we want to be recognized for without having to bring it up. Otherwise we feel underappreciated or like we don’t matter or don’t stand out in any way. The truth is, no matter how hard we have this desire to blend in or to fit in with the “in” crowd when we are kids, once we mature into adulthood all we really want to do is stand out. I guess Dr. Seuss was right all along.
Everything needs my attention RIGHT NOW and I can’t ignore anything or else it’ll pile up like horse manure. The old tricks don’t work. Do what is due first first. Start the minimum, then take a break. Watch a video, read for pleasure, take a walk, or play a computer game. Then come back and do the next part. You’ll have a momentum going and then before you know it the task is done. I can’t use any of those tricks. I’m sure there are more. Stand on your head and recite everything you studied in the last ten minutes. I don’t know. I’m pulling stuff up from my butt now. They sound good, they really do, until you try to implement one of them tricks and procrastination takes over like a conflagration. Bah, humbug!
But things need to get done one way or another so sometimes you sacrifice quality with time and do it all in a hurry. Then Boom! It all comes crashing down and you feel like you have to start over so might as well have done things slowly and methodically from beginning to end and completed the task right the first time.
That is time you can’t get back and it makes me think of Bill Nye on the day after school I turned on the TV and he was on and he talked about one second and how it goes away and is gone FOREVER. So what can you do when this happens? Plan better for the next time and then successfully execute the plan.
That’s it?! But that’s so boring! I know. How do you think I ended up writing this blog post?
How do you answer the question, “where are you from?” I always have trouble with this question nowadays. And even though I remember it was easier for me to answer this question when I was younger, I can’t remember what I used to say.
I bet I automatically assumed it meant I have to tell people I’m from China. I bet I thought that’s what people meant, like you don’t look like us so where are you from exactly? Then it turned into tell people the last place I lived like it would go something like this:
“Where are you from?”
“Not Baltimore City. Those two are different. That’s what I tell everyone…”
After this exchange I just sound conceited or something so I feel defeated because that’s not what I want to come across as at all.
Nowadays it becomes a conversation like this one, where I’m trying to figure out how I’m supposed to answer the question so that’s what I say and I end up giving my “life story” about where I was born to where I grew up and where my family has moved across the States. Then I feel like I’ve given TMI too soon and that leads to feeling defeated again.
So now I’m just left with the question hanging in the air and me a deer in the headlights. Awk…ward…
What will it take for all people to get along? Is that even possible? Or are we all so self-centered and needy we are totally incapable of truly getting along with one another? I feel like we live in a society where it’s the norm to not even know your neighbor’s name. How did this happen? I feel like that part in “The Break-Up” when Brooke is crying and asking Gary, “how did we get here?” No lie – that’s how intensely I treat this problem. Well, maybe treat isn’t the right word here because I feel like I haven’t done anything yet. More like think about, if you will. It sounds silly, I know, but the fact that the world is so messed up breaks my heart. I know it’s to be expected, but I can’t get over it, even when I seem to be numb towards it. Numb because I know it’s going to get worse before it gets better. Numb because I’ve always believed there’s no such thing as world peace. But even if world peace is truly impossible, there has to be a solution.
There’s that famous quote everyone’s heard of, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” I never remember correctly who said what, but I don’t think that really matters in this case. I think action in this case matters. Actual action. Not the spoken kind. Not the kind where you say you’re going to make plans to hang out and then nothing. Not the kind where you complain about every little thing wrong with the world and then offer no solutions. You can discuss anything to death, but in the end, something’s gotta be done. The question is, who is going to be first? I know, I know. It’s not that simple. Where do we begin? Well…
If every single person in the world focused on one thing they are truly passionate about improving in the world…Walt Disney couldn’t even imagine a world like this.
The other day I was driving home from work and I stopped behind some cars at a stoplight. I saw a guy pointing at the car next to him, as if to get the driver-of-the-car-he-was-pointing-to’s attention. I had no idea what this was about, but I kept my eyes on him, hoping to find out. He waited a second, but realizing the driver wasn’t going to get his message, got out of his vehicle and walked to the car he was pointing to and shut the trunk of that car. I didn’t even notice the trunk was open, but I did notice the guy after that random act of kindness. I got chills, like they were reminding me there is still some good left in the world. I drove behind him for a few more blocks, then another car butted in and then I wasn’t behind that guy anymore. I don’t know his name and I don’t really know what he looks like. But I don’t think I will ever forget him.
I can’t even tell you why this moment stood out so much to me. I’m sure lots of people all over the world are doing acts of kindness. Maybe it’s because of the timing of all the shootings happening lately. Maybe it’s my PMS. Who really knows? The news reports mostly bad things going on in the world, but often misses the good. When I witness something good like this it’s like I’m good-shocked or something. So much so the right words to describe it fail me…like right now…but no matter…I hope you all get to witness something good and not let anything bad happening in the world rob you of your joy. Because if you’re reading this, you deserve all the joy in the world.
If you don’t know who Pace Warner is, you are seriously missing out. If you are like me and have always wondered what it would be like to put action scenes into words, this is for you. Colton has some sort of sniper experience for sure. Only someone who has been one or observed one or talked to one can describe it from the first person point of view. The only downside to this book is it is so short. You get to the last page and you’re like, “Nooo, that’s it?! Tell me more!” The length is not really a downside at all though, as all good things must come to an end and it leaves you wanting more. I’m not going to say anyone can enjoy this book, but I will say anyone who’s watched an action/thriller film or is in any way remotely interested in this genre will enjoy this book. As previously mentioned, I haven’t read nearly as many thriller books as the average thriller fan, but I don’t care about numbers. If you are a thriller fan, you have got to check out Colton. Plus, if you have read The Colony, this will give you the backstory. Who doesn’t love backstories?