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What does friend even mean?

Some guys don’t know the first thing about being just friends with a girl. Vice versa as well, but I think in this case this applies to mostly guys. I think when a guy starts out trying to be just friends with a girl, he is always in it for a motive. More girls than guys are capable of being there for someone and hanging out with someone without the complications of “catching feelings” as the kids call it these days. Being just friends with someone of the opposite sex is not impossible, but a lot of times it doesn’t work out because it is hard. Feelings do get in the way.

As for me, I am hard to be friends with, period. Especially now. Life is too short to sugarcoat everything. I am a nice girl, but I can be brutally honest with people I’m close to. Why waste someone’s time making them believe everything is okay when they really need to make changes in their lives to be a better person? I’m not perfect either, but if I am able to make a suggestion to improve the quality of someone’s life, I think I should let them know if I really care about them. I say this, but even as I’m typing this, I know I struggle with being brutally honest when it is necessary. There are times you’ve got to keep your mouth shut and just let your friend fall. It’s not easy, but I don’t want to be the same kind of friend everybody else out there is like.

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I guess it starts with me being a people-pleaser by nature. (Is that hyphen supposed to be there?) I have this fear of being forgotten, of always remembering, but not being remembered. Does anyone else suffer through this? For the longest time I put other people’s worth above my own. In some situations I still do that. I always felt like I remembered everyone else’s birthdays, but no one remembered mine. I felt like I would make time to hang out with someone, even put off studying time just because I knew a friend really needed me and needed to hang out, but then that same friend would cancel at the last minute. The feeling I got was comparable to the feeling one gets after being stood up on a date. I was so concentrated on this idea that no one cared as much about me as I did them, I couldn’t see when I had friends who did care, enough to reach out to me and see how I’m doing when they knew I wasn’t doing so great. I will always remember those friends, but as time goes by and circumstances change and life happens, I wonder if people will remember me or will I always be the “back-up” friend when someone’s bestie is not available to hang out.